I Don’t Know Where to Start
When so many things are happening, every problem can feel urgent.
You don’t have to sort it all out before asking for help. Start with what can’t wait.
Start With What Can’t Wait
- Is anyone in immediate danger?
- Is someone getting much sicker or having a sudden change that can’t safely wait?
- Is someone without food, water, heat, shelter, or essential medicine?
- Is someone alone who can’t stay safe or call for help?
If any of these is true, that’s the problem to work on first.
Someone may be in immediate danger
Call 911 now. If you’re not sure, see Is This an Emergency? →
The person is on hospice
Call the hospice 24-hour number first for a change in condition
Someone has died
Someone Died. What Do I Do Now? →
Say What’s Happening
You don’t need to know the name of the right service or program. Start with someone already involved: the care team, a social worker or nurse, a case manager, or anyone already helping.
Say:
“I don’t know what kind of help to ask for. The main problem right now is ______.”
“If nothing changes today, I’m worried that ______.”
Ask:
“What needs attention first?”
“Who handles this?”
“What should I do today?”
If several clinicians are involved, ask, “Who’s looking at the whole picture?” If no one is, ask the primary care office or the insurance plan whether a care manager, case manager, or social worker can take that role.
Or Choose What’s Happening Now
Pick the one that comes closest. Your best guess works fine.
- Unsafe, threatened, abused, missing, or unable to stay safe→
- Someone fell and you’re not sure what needs to happen next→
- Getting sicker, new symptoms, or another change in condition→
- The hospital says they’re leaving, but the plan isn’t ready→
- They’re already home, but the discharge plan isn’t working→
- A treatment decision needs to be made→
- Not sure who can decide→
- Not sure what the person would want→
- More help is needed at home, or caregiving is too much→
- Someone can’t be left alone→
- No food, housing, utilities, medicine, or money for an essential need→
If the First Call Doesn’t Solve It
One person may handle the immediate need. Another may know what comes next.
Before you hang up, ask:
“If you can’t help with this, who should I call next?”
Write down who you called, what they said, and what’s supposed to happen next.
If you were told someone will call, visit, deliver something, or arrange a service, ask when you should expect that to happen and what to do if it doesn’t.
Not sure where to try next? Read the Order of Help →
Helpful Resources
211: Call 211 or visit 211.org ↗ to find local help with food, housing, utilities, transportation, and other everyday needs.
Eldercare Locator: Call 1-800-677-1116 or visit eldercare.acl.gov ↗ to reach local services for older adults and their caregivers.