My Family Is Deciding What I Get to Know
Sometimes family asks the doctor not to tell you things. Sometimes the doctor goes along with it.
This is usually done out of love. It can still leave you without what you need.
If you can make your own health care decisions, you can ask to receive your medical information directly and decide who else may receive updates about you.
Ask to Be Seen Alone
A few minutes alone with the clinician can make it easier to say what you want.
“I’d like some time with the doctor by myself.”
You can ask the nurse to arrange it before the visit, or say it at the start of the appointment.
Say What You Want, and Ask for It in Writing
“I want to be told my results and what to expect, directly, even if my family has asked otherwise. Please put that in my chart.”
Putting it in the chart makes it more likely the next clinician and the next visit start with the same instruction.
Get Your Own Records
You can see your test results and notes through the patient portal, or ask the medical records office for a copy.
You don’t need your family’s permission to get your own records.
There may be a fee for copies. If you need something quickly, ask whether they can provide the specific result or note you need rather than the entire record.
If you need help setting up the portal, ask the office staff. It’s a common request.
If a family member set up your portal or has access to it, ask the office who can see your account and how to change or remove that access if you want.
If Updates Are Going to People You Didn’t Choose
Tell the care team who should receive information about you, and who shouldn’t.
“Please tell me what you need from me so that only the people I name get updates.”
Talking to Your Family
You don’t have to make it a fight. They may believe they’re protecting you.
“I know you’re trying to protect me. I need to know what’s happening so I can make decisions while I still can.”
If that conversation would be easier with someone else in the room, ask for a social worker or chaplain. That’s part of their job.
If You’d Rather They Handle It
Some people want family to hear things first. That’s a real choice, and it’s yours to make.
Tell the care team what you want, and change it whenever you want.
What matters is that it’s your decision, not one made for you.
If It’s Not About Protection
If you’re being kept from your doctor, watched during appointments, or stopped from calling on your own, that’s a different problem.
If you’re afraid of the person caring for you, see I Am Afraid of the Person Caring for Me →
If you think abuse, neglect, or exploitation may be happening, see I Think Someone Is Being Abused, Neglected, or Exploited →
Learn More
Explains when health care providers may share your health information with family, friends, or others involved in your care, and when you can object.