I Am Not Legal Family
You may be the person who knows them best and still be told you can’t receive information, visit, or make decisions.
Those are different kinds of authority.
If They Can Still Speak for Themselves
Ask them to tell the nurse or doctor:
“This is [name]. I want them involved in my care and I want them to receive information about me.”
If they want you to visit, ask them to say that too.
Then ask staff:
“Please put that in the chart.”
If they want you to make medical decisions later, ask what document is needed to name you.
Use I Need Advance Directive Forms →
Ask for the document to be added to the medical record.
If Staff Won’t Share Information
Ask:
“Can you ask them whether they want me to receive this information?”
If the person can’t answer, say:
“I’m involved in their care. What information can you share with me?”
If the person can’t agree or object, staff may share information that is directly relevant to your involvement in their care when, in their professional judgment, doing so is in the person’s best interest. That doesn’t make you the legal decision-maker.
If you still can’t get an answer, ask for the charge nurse or social worker. If needed, ask for patient relations or the privacy officer.
If You Aren’t Allowed to Visit
Ask:
“Has the patient said who they want to visit? I’d like to be included.”
Medicare- and Medicaid-participating hospitals must respect a patient’s choice of visitors, including people who aren’t legally related, subject to clinically necessary or reasonable restrictions.
If you’re turned away, ask what rule is keeping you from visiting and ask to see the visitation policy.
If needed, ask for the charge nurse, patient advocate, or patient relations.
If this is happening in a nursing home, you can also ask the Long-Term Care Ombudsman for help.
If Someone Else Is Making the Decisions
If the person can no longer make the decision and no document names you, state law may decide who can act.
Ask the social worker:
“Who’s recognized as the decision-maker here, and what rule or document gives them that authority?”
Even if you aren’t the legal decision-maker, you can still tell the care team what the person told you they wanted.
Say:
“I’m not the legal decision-maker, but I know what they told me they wanted. I’d like that documented in the chart.”
If a valid document already names you and isn’t being honored, use I Need Help When an Advance Directive Isn’t Being Followed →
If Legal Family Is Shutting You Out
Tell the social worker what’s happening and what the person told you they wanted.
If the disagreement is about the care itself, use We Disagree About What Should Happen →
If you’re worried the person isn’t safe, use I Think Someone Is Being Abused, Neglected, or Exploited →
If the dispute is about who has legal authority, use I Need Legal Help →
After a Death
Health care authority and funeral or disposition authority aren’t the same.
State law decides who has authority to make funeral and disposition decisions.
If the person can still plan ahead, they may be able to name someone who isn’t legal family to make funeral and disposition decisions after their death. The form and signing rules depend on your state.
If they’ve already died and you don’t have legal authority, tell the funeral home who you are and what the person told you they wanted. Ask who has authority now.
If there’s a dispute, use I Need Legal Help →
Helpful Resources
Free state-specific forms and instructions for naming a health care decision-maker.
Find the Long-Term Care Ombudsman and local aging services.
Find nonprofit legal help in your state when authority or rights are disputed.
Learn More
State-by-state information about naming someone to make decisions about the disposition of your remains.
